The title is actually deceptive. I ACTUALLY have some good news to share.

As it turns out, I do not have ovarian or uterine cancer. I should be thrilled! Until the doctor amended that sentence with “…yet”. Nothing like raising me up, only to kick me in the naughty bits.

The phone call went something like this, only after a series of calls to them, and promises that they would call back:

Doctor: Hiiiiii Jennifer, hey, can you come in before then end of the day? I really want to talk to you (this is the DREADED).

Me: SSSIIIGGGHHH – No, just give it to me straight, I don’t need to drive 45 minutes in full panic mode for bad news.

Doctor: Oh, no, no, no…..I wanted to talk about your oncologist. I feel her course of action is too harsh (see previous post), you are only 40 years old, shouldn’t be thrown into menopause so early. It causes hot flashes……

Me: LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL – we have met before?  I have tried to talk to you and alllllll of my other doctors about what I think is hyperhidrosis, only to be ignored.  Hot flashes are the least of my concern.

***(I hadn’t really voiced this concern, but this doctor in question is just a straight up OB/GYN, and I feel she is a little out of her depth when it comes to the complexity of the situation.  As discussed in the previous post, I have been taken off all of my estrogen suppressors (what I call cancer meds).  It was causing blood clots, etc.  To be off of a suppression therapy is the absolute WORST thing right now.  But, I can’t go on a different therapy because I still “cycle” (you ladies know what I am talking about!). My oncologist wants me to have either a chemical or a surgical hysterectomy.***  Back to the phone call:

Doctor: LOL…um….well, what I want you to do is to come into my practice once a month for biopsies, we can monitor the growth of the tumor and…..

Me: Uuuuhhhh, so it is cancer?

Doctor: Oh, no, no, no….not yet.  But I do want to keep a very close eye on it, so when it becomes cancer, we can get it out, right away. That would be monthly biopsies…

Me (getting more that a tad testy at this point):  Doctor – with all due respect, I cannot endure that procedure once a month.  Even your typical pap smear is very painful to me (TMI: I have a tilted uterus).  This is not a very appealing option,  Instead of getting a jump on what isn’t cancer “yet”, you just want to poke and prod and aggravate the thing until it does?

Doctor: Wweeeeeelllllll, when you put it like that…no, it doesn’t sound good.  But, I really do think that this is a better option than you having a hysterectomy and becoming a drug addict…. (!!!!)

Me: What the hell…..

Doctor: (breaking pretty much every HIPAA law) goes on to tell me a story of a DIFFERENT, NOT ME patient that was in my situation 7 years, and she just got a hysterectomy this year, now she calls every week for pain meds. on and on and on.

Me:  (choosing to NOT scold her for assuming I would be taken over by pain meds):  What about getting back on a repressor therapy?

Doctor:  It can wait for now.

Me: That isn’t what my oncologist said.

Doctor: That’s because oncologists just want to cut it out.

Me:  Doesn’t that eliminate the risk?

Doctor (sensing I am not going to bow, tries to employ scare tactic): Yes, it eliminates the risk of uterine and ovarian cancer.  But, with your gene mutation…..

Me: Yes, my mutation is connected to an increased risk of uterine/ovarian cancer, as well as pancreatic cancer.  I know that.  But you just told me that whatever the hell is on my ovary is not cancer “yet”.  Why can’t I have the hysterectomy and eliminate all of the PRESENT risks?

Doctor (thinking I am dumb): Well, without your reproductive system, you can’t have anymore children.

Me: I am VERY well aware of that.

Doctor (realizing I am smarter than the average bear): Sssiiiiggghhhh – Jennifer, please just try my therapy regimen for 6 months.

Me:  You do realize that when I had my first well woman exam, THE SAME MONTH I WAS DIAGNOSED WITH BREAST CANCER, there were no cysts or tumors or ANYTHING on my ovaries, now there is, and you want to “wait and see”.  It just doesn’t make much sense…at all.  Not to mention is constant pressure in the area where this thing is….

Doctor: Jennifer, my way WORKS!  You will see, stick with me.

Me:  I am going to consult my oncologist.

Doctor: OK! We await your call to get started.

By the time that phone call ended, I just wanted to cry.  My oncologist thinks my OB/GYN is a quack, which may very well be true, but it’s the same woman who probably saved my life by making me get a mammogram.  During my last visit to my oncologist, she had already suggested I see an OB/GYN oncologists, because of the likelihood of me having a hysterectomy.

Pardon my language, but who wants to fuck around on “wait and see”?  Yes, it’s GOOD news that whatever is on my ovary isn’t cancer, “yet”, but I don’t understand why I should wait until it is critical.

So, I have added another “ist” to my list, and I see her on Tuesday.

Love and Light –




One thought on “DREADED!

  1. You don’t have to say “Excuse my French …”. Lady, you’ve EARNED the right to say anything you please! Let ’em rip … I, for one, am not really offended. Been around the block too many times for that nonsense. I read your blog & wonder if I’d have the strength or the courage or even the cojones to face what you have & still be up for the continued battles.

    I tend to live according to my intuition which has rarely failed me. Follow your heart & your gut.

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