I just can’t seem to settle. First, I should tell you what’s been going on.
I have had 2 fills on the temporary implants. I wasn’t quite sure how this would happen going into it. I have created a picture to help you understand. Try not to be jealous of my MAD DRAWING SKILLZ.
Obviously, the ovals are my breasts, the hearts are my implants (obviously NOT actually heart shaped), and the black dots represent where the Great Dr. Finkel fills ’em up. She takes this tiny thing-a-magig (actual medical term), it’s sort of like a beam finder, and locates the injection site. There are tiny magnets right by the black dots. Dr. Finkel marks the site with a little “x” skin impression, then she slowly inserts a needle and injects saline. It does not hurt, it’s more strange to see your boobs get bigger. Right now, I almost look like I have half the breast I used to. I usually go on Mondays for a fill.
Then, there is the part of this that has just stressed me the most. After all the surgeries, Dr. Mendonca (oncologist) had sent all the tissue for an Onocotype DX Breast Assay. More about the Oconotype DX here. The test ranks your risk of reccurance on a low (0- 17), Intermediate (18-32), and high (33-50 and above). Treatment for the low category (no treatment) and the high category (chemo), are set in stone. The treatment for intermediate is basically unknown. I will give you 3 guesses where I rank, and the first two do not count. Ding!Ding!Ding! I am in the intermediate area with a score of 19.
To be just a tad more precise, I have node negative, ER postive results. Simply stated, that means I am lymph node negative, Estrogen Receptor positive patient. Normally, given my age, I would be recommended for chemo. But, since there is no set protocol on intermediate patients, what I want is to be considered.
There is my problem. If I don’t have chemo, there is no guarantee that I will or will not get cancer again. Again, if I choose not to have chemo, I will start a regiment of Tamoxifen. If I choose to have chemo, I will have to take Tamoxifen after treatment anyway. Same as chemo, Tamoxifen does not guarantee that I will or will not have cancer again. The chemo regiment would be Cytoxan and Taxotere.
Right now, I am just not a good person to be around. I am not sleeping at night, so I am constantly tired. I WANT to lash out at people for the tiniest of reasons. I want someone else to hurt and stress and cry and worry, so I can say – SEE WHAT I MEAN?!?!?!
By the end of typing this, I might have made a decision. I want to avoid chemo so bad. There are a multitude of reasons. So many, that I can’t list them.
Still – do you have an opinion? Say it, don’t spray it in the comments!
Love and light – Jen